She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize