im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
