Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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