i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So drunk its hurt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
