I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
