you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
