Jerry, you need to find god
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
