he puts the penis in happiness.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
