the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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