Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
