So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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