Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
