Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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