My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My ass is underappreciated
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
