hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I would ride that face into the sunset
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
