You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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