I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
