I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
