he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can you bring me the toilet please
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
