Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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