ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
