He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
