I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
