Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
