she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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