Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
