His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
