Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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