Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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