I need to stop coming to work sober
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
