Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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