i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
