I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
