I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
