Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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