U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
