I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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