i think my tv is drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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