I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
