I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my shit smells like andre
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
