dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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