my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
