I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
