Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have post one night stand depression
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