no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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