something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
