listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
