zippers are such a cool invention
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
