toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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