The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
farters have to be the big spoon...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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