Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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