Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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