I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
