I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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