If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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