I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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