This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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