mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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