The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
