Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
