You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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