Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
