Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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