birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well, you know. whores of a feather.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
