Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
