Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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