I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
