He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
